Skip to main content

Rick's Rants: You Want Money For That?

Last week I began a new series, this one focused on the many things wrong with our world. You can read about the first one here. But you won't find me ranting about the government or gun control here. There's plenty of people yelling about that. I'm going to find the causes that no celebrity is taking the time to get behind.

This week, it's the tooth fairy!


Yeah, you read that right.

What is the deal with the tooth fairy? Parents come up with a story of this fairy who hands out quarters for teeth. And some of you reading this are part of a serious problem with inflation, as my kids think we have a tooth fairy giving them the shaft since all their friends are getting $5 per tooth. Are you kidding me?

But my real problem isn't with the money. The real problem is where we place the tooth. Where should we put the tooth? Underneath the head of the sleeping child whom you are trying not to wake?!?? Whose idea was this? I fight every night to get these wiggly midgets to lay down and go to sleep. Now I have to go play a high stakes game of Operation as I try to reach beneath their head, remove the little baby tooth and replace it with coins. 

That sounds fun!

Why didn't we just tell the kid they should be holding the tooth in their hand? At least with Santa the parent could eat a plate of cookies!

And has anyone ever thought to ask what the tooth fairy is doing with all these teeth? Is there some sort of cloning experiment going on that we should be asking questions about? After all, the fairy is paying out cold hard cash in exchange for these bicuspids.

I guess my beef is with the parents, from long ago, who had nothing better to do than give their kids money for lost body parts. If this is how it was supposed to work, then I'd like to have seen at least $20 when the doctors took out my rupturing appendix. Never saw a dime for that. I didn't get to put that under my pillow. I bet if I had, we would have gotten to the bottom of this tooth fairy story real fast. 
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Accountable

I recently officiated a wedding. The ceremony was simple, lovely, and ended with another couple professing to keep the covenant of marriage. But it all started with a clarification...from me. At our first premarital counseling session, as I have done with every couple I have agreed to marry, I clarified a couple of matters. First, I officiate Christian weddings, where both spouses-to-be are professing Christians. I firmly believe that marriage is difficult enough, without adding disagreements about God into the mix. Second, as a minister of Jesus Christ, I believe the pastor’s role in a wedding is to represent the blessing of God on that union. So we have several sessions of premarital counseling where we discuss married life. It’s not that I have this imaginary card in my head, with a picture of me on the front and my stats on the back. (You know, like a baseball card.) Ok, I do picture cards. Pastor cards! And being a competitive guy, I want my stats to look good. The number of coupl...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Facebook Maybe

Granted, I'm a pastor. I have Type-A tendencies. Ok, my tendencies border on freakish OCD behavior patterns, but... Few things bother me more than the Facebook 'maybe'. I suppose I could go on and on about the grey areas of our society and the refusal of people to accept absolute standards. I could discuss the great need of people to accept that what is wrong for one person is likely wrong for everyone. I should certainly be concerned about mentioning that someone might have sin in their life. But I don't believe the Facebook 'maybe' is quite sin. Perhaps if I were coming up with new sins, I would add this to the list. But alas... Some might think the Facebook 'maybe' did not exist prior to the Internet, but they would be wrong. When I was in high school and asked a girl out on a date, I would normally be told that if they had no other plans, if nobody else called them, if there was nothing good on television and their hair did not need washing, then per...
5 comments
Read more

Jury Duty

I was recently summoned to jury duty. I know, groan. Except I didn't. I had never experienced it before and was curious to see what it was like.   When the day to report arrives, they separate you into groups, asking various questions to decide if you will be selected to serve. Do you know the accused? Do you have conflicts that would keep you from serving? Can you stay focused?  I wanted to answer well, if only because my kids kept wishing me luck the day before, telling me they hoped I made the team. After all, who wants to be rejected? It occurred to me that there are things you probably shouldn’t say right away if you’re wanting to serve on a jury. I know, I know, people don’t typically want to serve on a jury. But that list didn’t seem nearly as humorous to me. Here are the things you probably shouldn’t say if you want to be selected for jury. I hold myself in contempt. You can’t handle the truth. We find the defendant guilty. I believe the judge looks pretty in his ...
Post a Comment
Read more