Rick Nier...Woo!

I am more than halfway through the last year of dropping one of my children off at school. It's my eighth grade daughter, for anyone keeping track of my family.  See, next year she will be at the high school, and her brother will drive her. He says that it's not cool for seniors to drive their freshman sister to school, but I bet it's cooler than being dropped off by your mom in a minivan.  So rather than groan about this daily responsibility, I've been reminiscing about what the drop-off line used to look like, way back in elementary school. Once our children were about halfway through their elementary years, the drop-off line became a test of patience.  Do you know which group you do not want to get caught behind in the parent drop-off line at an elementary school? The kindergartners. These little ones are barely able to walk, but now we put them in the high-pressure situation of trying to unbuckle their seat-belt, grab their backpack (which might be as tall as they a...

Let's take driving, for example. I'm in the process of teaching my son how to drive. He's the second child I'm teaching, so I feel like I've got a good handle on what needs to happen.  It's not like the first time I took my oldest out driving, started her at a stop sign in our quiet neighborhood and assumed she would know how to turn the steering wheel. Man, if street signs could talk, they would tell you about the day a crazy, tiny ginger played chicken with them. We're only a few lessons in with my son, but so far, so good. One of the things I'm teaching him is that you have to pay attention when you're driving. This would seem obvious, but my experiences with so many other drivers tells me it isn't.  via GIPHY Nowhere is this more painful than at four-way stops. It may seem confusing, but only if you don't understand how a clock works. (You see, the driver to the left yields to the driver on the right, and then it works around the...

As a parent of teenagers, I wonder what it must have been like to have the sort of relationship God had with Noah. God talked and Noah obeyed. Build a boat, God said. Noah built a boat. Put your family and pairs of animals on the boat. Noah put his family and pairs of animals on the boat. Ride out this storm for a year. Noah rode out the storm. Get off the boat, plant a vineyard, and get really drunk. Ok, nobody's perfect. Parenting my teenagers is nothing like any of that. Clean your room, I said. I didn't hear you, they respond. Do your chores. Do I have to? Are you even listening to me? What did you just say? via GIPHY On a positive note, none of them have planted a vineyard. People often express a desire for the kind of close relationships heroes from the Bible had with God. Noah, for the most part is a good example. Genesis 6:9 says " he walked in close fellowship with God." How many of us are willing to walk in close fellowship with God...

I’m almost an adult.  I’m sure I’m not the first parent in history who is sick of hearing that phrase. For those who may not have experienced such a thrill, it happens when your child is seventeen and decides the rules and limitations you have placed on them should no longer apply.  Because, after all, they are almost an adult. What’s So Special About Eighteen? Ah, eighteen, that magical age when you suddenly become capable of making every decision for yourself. Why? Because the government, that institution we trust with so many important decisions, declares you to be an adult. After all, you’re able to die for your country. You’re qualified to help decide the next leader of our nation. And you can smoke.  Welcome to the club! You’re an adult! Woohoo! You’re now free and independent, with no authority left to rule over you and give you any restrictions. No authority except for landlords, bosses, police officers, and the aforementioned government o...

As parents, we've all been there. We tell our child to do something and they ask why. Everyone knows what words are about to come out of the parent's mouth.  Because I said so .  We can debate forever if that reasoning should be sufficient or not. The fact is we say it. I say it, and then I preach to my kids about respect and obedience and when I was a perfect child.  So why do the kids ask for a reason? Why do the teenagers bore us with their litany of reasons of how we're old, our ideas are outdated, we're short and not that good at basketball? Yeah, my teenagers have found some specific talking points in their arguments to try and get me to let them have their way.  Why do they think they're so smart? Actually, I'm trying to get my children to write a book. (Cue sarcastic music so you know I'm about to spew a heavy dose.) If they would give me time to grab a pen and some paper, I could jot down some of their pearls of wisdom. They mak...

Jonathan McKee writes about teens, he writes for teens and he does a fantastic job writing to teens. There are countless resources out there for youth ministry and for teens in general.  And if ever there was a bracket challenge to decide who has written the greatest resources for teens, McKee would be the Duke of teen resources. Unless Duke surprisingly got beat. Then he'd be one of the other top teams you'd expect to see in a Final Four.  Wow, that illustration got away from me quick, but here's the point. Jonathan has done his research and he knows how to write and speak so teens, youth leaders, and parents of teens will listen. And you should be listening, because he brings his best every single time. His latest book, The Guy's Guide to Four Battle Every young Man Must Face: A Manual to Overcoming Life's Common Distractions, is another winner.  This one is written directly at teen guys about, you guessed it, four battles every young man (and old ...

Suffice it to say that in this technological age of streaming and DVRs, my kids have likely watched fewer commercials than when we were kids. They have seen ads. We all deal with ads, but when we're focused on trying to get past the ad, how much do we really pay attention? But we recently switched from Dish to YouTube TV, something I don't regret. While watching a show as it was being aired, my kids saw a political ad. Their shock at the shade being thrown made me wonder if they've never seen a political ad before. They laughed out loud as the smear campaign was played. Not in an amused way. No, it was the sort of nervous laughter that happens when you wonder if you really just heard what you think you heard. It's the recognition that these are things we hear in TV shows, but didn't realize that, in this case, Hollywood imitates real life. Are my children sheltered? Is that what happened? They go to public school. They remind me every day that I force them t...

Like so many people, I end each year thinking about the year that was, and perhaps even resolving how I want the new year to go. But I guarantee you, no matter how much time I put into thinking last December, I never could have guessed how 2017 was going to go . For starters, here's a couple of sentences I never thought I would speak. I’m dropping the kids off at youth group.  I’m ok being without a job for a few months.  Both sentences go together, because as many of you know, I told the church I had youth pastored at for 15 years that God was telling me it was time to go. Now I know that when someone invokes the voice of God into a decision, it can sound like they're passing the blame onto the Deity. After all, who's going to argue with the voice of the Lord? I imagine people largely fall into 2 categories on this matter. Group #1 imagines the youth pastor just wants a change, but doesn't want people to dislike him for making the choice to leave. Group ...

I have a fool proof system which tells me when I am being annoying. It’s my teenage daughter. Level one annoyances might merit a smirk from her. Level two gets the eye roll. But when I am full on annoying I get the eye roll plus a loud “Oh my goo-ood-ness." The goodness is exaggerated and elongated to include more syllables than the word actually contains, so there is no confusion on my part.  As her dad, I understand there is a balance of being a parent that cares what she thinks and being a parent that knows she'l thank me later. But there is also another continuum, where as an inquisitive mind, I stir the pot and see how much I can push her before I start to get eye rolls from her mom. I've had plenty of time to learn the non-verbal communication system from the wife. "Oh my goodness" doesn’t just come out when I’m an annoyance. It comes out whenever the teenage daughter is annoyed by anything, which could be dumb drivers who chose to leave their house 5 mi...

Listen, there's no getting around this. There's no hoping this is just a phase. There's no going back. This is the new normal. Teens are being raised in a technologically advanced world, one where we may one day be subservient to the machines we are creating. But, forgetting the scary dystopian future you may be imagining, the reality is that all of us are a part of a mobile world. One which loves their social media. The statistics tell us we are using our mobile devices a crazy 9 hours every single day. Every. Single. Day. This is where Jonathan McKee comes in. Here is a man who spends his time doing the research, shining a light on the realities that are present for parents raising teenagers. Oh, but he does waaay more than that. He breaks down the numbers and gives us hope that not all is lost. Because it isn't. Jonathan continues to provide resources which help us to pause, take a deep breath, and figure out how we want to utilize this technology in our ow...

I prayed for my kids today. I prayed that they would avoid or rise above the tools, the jerks, the mean kids that populate our schools. As I prayed I wondered where those kids come from. What is their home life? What makes them tick? Then I prayed that my own kids would not be the type of kids I was praying for their protection from.  You see, if we accept the fact that we're all sinners, then we have to accept that our own little angels might not always be angels. There is no one righteous. We all needed the sacrifice of Jesus for our salvation. That mean that each of us need strength to not be the reason another person has to endure. For awhile, way back when I first had a child of my own, I assumed these monsters grew under rocks and were the spawn of some wild dingoes that were allowed to integrate into regular society.  But then Jennifer and I had a second child. And we encouraged them to play together. That is, until we didn't. There were moments when we sud...

Dear Indiana,  I know I've lived here for most of my adult life, so this may seem a bit late in coming. I understand that living in Indiana means loving, or at least tolerating, basketball. Don't get me wrong. I've watched Hoosiers. It's good.  I do love basketball. I enjoy playing it, watching it and even talking about it. I don't root for your teams, but I get the love for this sport.  But there's a few things we need to clear up. You see, my middle school son started playing for one of your teams this year. Needless to say, the experience has only confirmed what I already suspected.  The place in your heart that this sport holds, at least borders on idolatry. I should also mention that I am a youth pastor. So I have watched time and time again as basketball crowds out the space for anything else. I know what lessons can be learned when our sons and our daughters learn to sacrifice and work as part of a team. But I also know the lessons that a...

Matthew 3:13-17 13 Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan to be baptized by John. 14 But John tried to deter him, saying, “I need to be baptized by you, and do you come to me?” 15 Jesus replied, “Let it be so now; it is proper for us to do this to fulfill all righteousness.” Then John consented. 16 As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lighting on him. 17 And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” Jesus is doing a pretty cool thing here, being baptized. This marked the beginning of His ministry and connects Jesus to the people He came to save. I work with teens and, of course, have a couple of them in my own home. There is this fascinating dance between parents and their teenagers. Parents have to somehow impart wisdom to teenagers without it sounding like a lecture. Their best bet is to somehow trick the teenager into t...

I couldn't believe it, even as it was happening. We bounced a rubber ball against a bell for an hour. Before you scoff, I believe you've been there yourself. Maybe it was before Netflix was a thing, and there were no Olympics to watch. Perhaps you were bored beyond belief. But all of the sudden you found yourself doing something that should be simple over and over again. Add a twist, and you suddenly find yourself challenged to do something admittedly less than spectacular. I doubt Whaley Ball will ever find its' way into the Olympics. (The game is named after the person at camp whose memorial bell we were using to play the game. Yes, we played on a memorial bell.) I also don't see myself training to get better. But on that last night at camp, teens and leaders worked together to bounce a small rubber ball against a bell. How was this challenging? We couldn't let the ball drop to the ground. And we had to throw the ball again while the sound of the bell still ...

There's something that I have never fully come to grips with in youth ministry. It's how there don't seem to be enough opportunities to eat pizza. Just kidding . It's parents. Sort of.... Let me explain. When I was a teenager, I was in church whenever the doors were open. Actually, my parents were such sticklers for time management, that I was often there even when the doors were not yet opened, because we would beat the pastor there. Eventually, my parents received keys to the church. Now, instead of simply waiting for others, we could be useful  and set up chairs or tables for whatever event was about to happen. Thanks mom and dad! Now, don't get me wrong. I wasn't rebelling against anybody and not wanting to go to church. I had friends there and I liked my youth pastor and I wanted to be there, generally speaking. But I also knew that it didn't really matter what I wanted  to do. Unless I was sick, I would be in church. Fast forward a couple o...

I turned 40 over a year ago. I'll give you a moment to process that. I know you're not supposed to ask a youth pastor how old he is, but I offered. Why is that significant? Except for the increasing pain in my knees, it's not. Really . I think I handled turning 40 better than I did turning 30. Don't ask me why. The best I can venture is that by the time I reached 40, I understood I was viewed as older by the teens I work with and I simply stopped caring what other people thought. I feel good. Honestly . The worst part is increasing the exercise to compensate for the amount of cookies I eat. One might wonder why I don't just eat less cookies, but I don't really have time for people who ask questions like that. Here is what has changed. I now have 2 of my own children who are part of my youth ministry. So when other teens look at me and marvel that I'm old enough to be their dad, they're not wrong. In fact, I'm older  than some of their parents....

If someone were to make a realistic movie based on the book of Judges, no responsible parent would let their teens see it. That's how I started my discussion with my youth group last night. We looked at the life of Samson, a guy with such anger issues, he makes the Incredible Hulk seem rather friendly and docile by comparison, And let me just say how much fun it can be to introduce teens who clearly only think they know the Bible stories. Just telling the story of Samson left so many shocked looks on their faces, and his story is only 4 chapters long. Judges 13-16 if you want to read it yourself . I told the teens over and over again how we all have to make a choice. God vs BAE. For those of you wondering what BAE means, it's slang for before anyone else . We're discussing how each of us has to make a choice to put God before everyone, including the crush and the guy and the date and, yes, even the spouse. BAE gives you a narrow focus where you only have energy for ...

You could call this a portion of a book review, or you could call this my attempt to bring something more scholarly to this space. Either way, it is likely best described as my acknowledgement that I am not the first, such as Sir Isaac Newton recognized when he said “if I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.” See, though I know it was not original with me, I began my youth ministry career by repeating that what I do is not about a religion, but about a relationship. At times I imagined it seeped into my brain from some of my youth ministry mentors. But I have been reading In Search of Adolescence: A New Look at an Old Idea by Crystal Kirgiss. Now I see the idea goes back much further. In this book, Crystal battles the idea that adolescence is a modern day construct. Showing how previous generations dealt with the people we know as teenagers, she proves her point well. At one point she quotes John Greene and Solomon Stoddard, a couple of preachers from the e...

Have you ever been called out in church? I have and I’ll never forget it. I was sitting in the back row of church, safely away from my parents and, I thought, anyone who could see me not listening to the sermon. That particular Sunday, an older leader in our church was filling in while the pastor was away. A teenager at the time, I was doing what I’m sure none of the teens in our church do. I was passing notes and making jokes with my friends, who were very clearly being a negative influence on me. (Insert tongue in cheek here.) That’s when it happened. The substitute-preacher called out, “You boys may think this is funny, but death is a serious thing!” Fortunately he did not call us out by name, although that did not end up keeping me out of trouble from my parents after church was over. Since I could not actually tell them what the sermon was about, I had no defense. The only solace is that I’m sure I won’t be the last person to have been called out in church. Nor was I the...

You had one rule! One. Rule!!!! That's what I would say to Adam and Eve. I imagine that's what a lot of people would say to Adam and Eve.  We have lots of rules. In fact, you can even find books of ridiculous rules that have been made. For every dumb thing that has been done, a dumber rule has been made to keep it from happening again.  For example... In the state of Florida, if an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle. Well....yeah! In the state of Indiana, it is illegal to catch a fish with your bare hands. So much for the days of letting men be men. We have so many rules, in fact, that we have arguments over interpretations of these rules. Adam and Eve broke their one rule. We break every rule. Perhaps rules are not the problem. My belief is that they are not the solution either.  For the solution, we turn to Ephesians 2:8-10. Recently I shared this with the youth of our church, telli...