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Banging My Head Against The Wall

I’m not a big fan of birds. It’s not that I dislike them. I just don’t get thrilled at bird-watching. Unless you’re showing me a video of some giant bird on a National Geographic show that is about to do something in keeping with their place in the food chain. I’ll watch that. Or Big Bird, from Sesame Street. He was always pretty cool. 

But bird-watching? I’m not about naming or classifying, or really even caring about birds. A few summers ago my wife bought a bird feeder and placed it near our big picture window. Apparently she wanted to help feed the neighborhood chipmunks and squirrels. She also likes to see the different kinds of birds that would come along. 

I should mention something else. My wife keeps the big window clean, so several times a month we’ll hear a bird run into the window. It’s like a Windex commercial. Sometimes they shake their heads and fly away. A few times we’ve seen birds fly in so fast that I get to remind my kids of that Bible verse where Jesus says God knows when a bird falls from the sky. 

This summer my cats and I are watching some golden-headed bird take over the feeder. Several times each morning he will stretch out his wings, make a threatening sound, and fly at our big window. My wife looked it up and read he might be a bully bird (it’s a thing). We think he’s seeing his reflection and trying to attack the other bird. 

As I write this, the golden-headed jerk has attacked my window no less than ten times. If his bird brain was ever capable of figuring things out, I’m guessing he’s long past that now. In fact, if there are bird sports, he’s likely in some sort of concussion protocol by now. 

The fact that he’s a bully to other birds doesn’t leave me feeling real sorry for him. I may have even allowed my daughter to attempt her own manner of intimidation by firing at him with a super-soaker. She’s gotten a couple of shots, but still he returns. 

It’s been a few days of the same pattern. He comes and takes over the feeder and bangs his head into my window a few dozen times. I wonder how he doesn’t learn. It has to be painful. If he thinks other birds are watching, it has to be embarrassing as well, right? After all, he doesn’t even know his own reflection. And it has to be lonely, constantly chasing other birds away while you bang your head, attempting to have ultimate control over your life. 

Such a bird brain! After all, who would want to live their life this way?

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