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Someone Has To Speak Out

Certainly someone somewhere has spoken up against travesties in these trying times. It is the great crisis of our day, where innocent people are hurt, and bullies are allowed to continue their abuse. 

I am, of course, talking about people who pass off gluten-free options as if they were real food. 

via GIPHY


Nope!

I'm sure there are more qualified people than me to address this situation. (Gordon Ramsey comes to mind.) But until I am assured that our top people are working on a solution, I'm going to operate under the same rules we have for keeping our schools safe; see something, say something.

If you can bear to read on, here's my own harrowing story of survival. 

It was a night at home like any other, which is to say it was the one night all week without any meetings or high school sports. Plus, it was taco night. That's right! This was going to be a good night. Who doesn't love shoving yummy ingredients into a warm taco shell and allowing the taco to make all your problems go away?

I first realized something was aloof when I saw my wife breaking apart sliced cheese and adding it to the meat. "Woman, I thought we've talked about making sure we always have plenty of shredded cheese?!?" But I'm mature enough to realize it was the same flavor of cheese, so no harm done...yet.

Still Nope!

What would happen next still engages my gag reflex. For shredded cheese was not the only ingredient we were missing. We were missing tortilla shells! Had we even shopped for groceries this week?  

Actually, that's not entirely true. My wife had some of her shells. Her shells? Yeah, we usually share everything in our marriage, but about a year ago she began cutting out foods that tasted good. So now she has her own gluten free taco shells. One of which she was about to share because, as my loving wife assured me, "They taste the same!"

Just Nope!

I can assure you, they do not. And I believe it is time we go to whatever steps necessary to let the general public know this is not real food. Listen, I'm not saying we should eliminate this type of food, or the people who choose to abuse their taste buds in this way, but they should, under no circumstances, be allowed to to tell people that it tastes good. 

It does not. In some ways, I feel bad for my wife. Like most slippery sins, she had stumbled so far down the lies that she forgot the truth. It took a crusader like myself to help her realize the truth of the matter. Gluten free food is not real food. It may look like real food. It might feel like real food. 

But, again, and this cannot be overstated, it is not.

Like gluten free chips which have the same consistency as some tastier pieces of cardboard which I would also not eat, the gluten free tortilla tasted like I had wrapped taco meat and cheese inside a piece of twenty-pound cardstock. It wreaked of blandness and the tears of small children.

Well friends, there it is. The truth is out there. Don’t let it end with me.

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