It would be really easy for me to quote Matthew 18:15-17 for you. For those unfamiliar, that's the part where Jesus instructs us on how to deal with brothers who sin against us. And is anyone else like me, just hoping to someday see the 3rd option take place in Church?
I can see it now. The pastor stands up and outs the jerk who refuses to apologize, even though he was confronted by his small group of friends. All pandemonium breaks loose as the congregation chants 'Jerk, jerk, jerk' until he finally breaks down into tears and makes it all better. Then kittens and bunnies are released by the ushers to run amongst the pews, helping everyone to celebrate the joyous victory of this reconciliation.
Ok, I may have lost some of you there. You've probably never seen that and never will. The real problem is that not all conflict is because of outright sin on someone's part. Sometimes people just don't see eye to eye. Sometimes living with family members will cause tension. I used to think that kids would be easier than college roommates. After all, they are smaller and you can boss them around. That's a lesson I'm still un-learning.
Regardless, how do we handle conflict when matters of opinion aren't supported by Scripture? How do we let go of matters that matter, but only to us?
Well, Jesus' words in Matthew 18 can actually still help us, even if not in a disciplinary manner. The first step is to talk. I know, what a concept. I just blew your minds. The key is talking to the right person. If my issue is with my wife, the first person I talk to about the issue should not be my children, my co-workers, the mailman or Dr. Phil. I need to talk with my wife.
If the matter is not as simple as the color of paint in the bathroom, then step two could be to bring along some trusted friends. This is not to be confused with getting support for your side of the argument. This is seeking out the opinions to see what another person's perspective might look like.
When all else fails, listen to your pastor. (I was not paid or bribed by any senior pastor into saying this.) I'm not talking about complaining to your pastor. Remember, no sin in the issue means not making this bigger than it is. But all pastors preach on relationships and conflict at least 14.5 times per year. I think that's like a minimum league salary in other sports.
Listen to some wisdom that your pastor offers on relationships. Soak in the words from Jesus and writers of the Bible, who knew a thing or two about tension in relationships. Who knows, once you're done taking notes, you may even forget what you were concerned about in the first place.
I can see it now. The pastor stands up and outs the jerk who refuses to apologize, even though he was confronted by his small group of friends. All pandemonium breaks loose as the congregation chants 'Jerk, jerk, jerk' until he finally breaks down into tears and makes it all better. Then kittens and bunnies are released by the ushers to run amongst the pews, helping everyone to celebrate the joyous victory of this reconciliation.
Ok, I may have lost some of you there. You've probably never seen that and never will. The real problem is that not all conflict is because of outright sin on someone's part. Sometimes people just don't see eye to eye. Sometimes living with family members will cause tension. I used to think that kids would be easier than college roommates. After all, they are smaller and you can boss them around. That's a lesson I'm still un-learning.
Regardless, how do we handle conflict when matters of opinion aren't supported by Scripture? How do we let go of matters that matter, but only to us?
Well, Jesus' words in Matthew 18 can actually still help us, even if not in a disciplinary manner. The first step is to talk. I know, what a concept. I just blew your minds. The key is talking to the right person. If my issue is with my wife, the first person I talk to about the issue should not be my children, my co-workers, the mailman or Dr. Phil. I need to talk with my wife.
If the matter is not as simple as the color of paint in the bathroom, then step two could be to bring along some trusted friends. This is not to be confused with getting support for your side of the argument. This is seeking out the opinions to see what another person's perspective might look like.
When all else fails, listen to your pastor. (I was not paid or bribed by any senior pastor into saying this.) I'm not talking about complaining to your pastor. Remember, no sin in the issue means not making this bigger than it is. But all pastors preach on relationships and conflict at least 14.5 times per year. I think that's like a minimum league salary in other sports.
Listen to some wisdom that your pastor offers on relationships. Soak in the words from Jesus and writers of the Bible, who knew a thing or two about tension in relationships. Who knows, once you're done taking notes, you may even forget what you were concerned about in the first place.
Comments