Friday, September 12, 2014

Someday I'll Write a Book About All I've Learned From My Wife

I am reposting this to celebrate my wife, who celebrates a birthday this weekend. This is one of many posts about my wife, whom I love to write about. Without further adieu... 

I was not happy, to say the least. My wife's words devastated me. What could she possibly mean? Was she trying to be hurtful or did she actually believe the words she was letting spill forth from her mouth?

We may need to get a new alarm clock.

I know, I know. I should have warned you so you could put the kids in another room to protect them from such filth. I'm sure you are feeling a bit woozy as I did when she uttered that despicable phrase.

I gently reminded her that this alarm clock had been with me since August of 1987. That was the summer my dad decided that my sister and I were old enough to be getting ourselves up in time for school. Here's a picture...

But I followed my wife, presumed guilty until proven otherwise, back to our bedroom to see what was wrong with this alarm clock. Sure enough, the numbers were not showing. I had a letter half-written to General Electric. Did this clock have a warranty? Would they be willing to replace it? Did anyone still believe in goo old-fashioned ethics like value and hard work? When we put our name on a product, that still stands for something, right?

After all, this alarm clock was only 24 years old. Wasn't I supposed to expect to be able to get my dad's money's worth out of this purchase? Or was this some kind of scheme where GE, and companies like her, allowed you to get only some use out of their products before having to spend more hard-earned cash on replacement products?

Where was the fairness in all of this? Will the hypocrisy never end?

Unwilling to give up, but still needing to be woken up the next morning, I started checking for other possible reasons why this alarm clock was no longer trustworthy. And that's when I discovered that the extension cord to which the alarm clock was plugged in was itself not plugged into the wall.

I plugged it in and those friendly red lights which I have come to cherish once again came on. Those lights which have told me innumerable times that sleep is no longer allowed for that day shone bright once more.

So, General Electric, I apologize for assuming the worst. And I thank you for restoring my trust in your products.

To my wife, we may one day look back and laugh at this moment. But it will not be soon. Oh no, it will not be soon.

This post is from 2011, so in case you start to wonder about the alarm clock, I've replaced it. But I haven't replaced my wife.

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