Friday, January 11, 2013

Rick's Rants: You Want Money For That?

Last week I began a new series, this one focused on the many things wrong with our world. You can read about the first one here. But you won't find me ranting about the government or gun control here. There's plenty of people yelling about that. I'm going to find the causes that no celebrity is taking the time to get behind.

This week, it's the tooth fairy!

Yeah, you read that right.

What is the deal with the tooth fairy? Parents come up with a story of this fairy who hands out quarters for teeth. And some of you reading this are part of a serious problem with inflation, as my kids think we have a tooth fairy giving them the shaft since all their friends are getting $5 per tooth. Are you kidding me?

But my real problem isn't with the money. The real problem is where we place the tooth. Where should we put the tooth? Underneath the head of the sleeping child whom you are trying not to wake?!?? Whose idea was this? I fight every night to get these wiggly midgets to lay down and go to sleep. Now I have to go play a high stakes game of Operation as I try to reach beneath their head, remove the little baby tooth and replace it with coins. 

That sounds fun!

Why didn't we just tell the kid they should be holding the tooth in their hand? At least with Santa the parent could eat a plate of cookies!

And has anyone ever thought to ask what the tooth fairy is doing with all these teeth? Is there some sort of cloning experiment going on that we should be asking questions about? After all, the fairy is paying out cold hard cash in exchange for these bicuspids.

I guess my beef is with the parents, from long ago, who had nothing better to do than give their kids money for lost body parts. If this is how it was supposed to work, then I'd like to have seen at least $20 when the doctors took out my rupturing appendix. Never saw a dime for that. I didn't get to put that under my pillow. I bet if I had, we would have gotten to the bottom of this tooth fairy story real fast. 

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